I am feeling ridiculous.

I feel ridiculous because I cannot get my phone back fully one week after a man found it on a bus and gave it to his son. His son called my dad. His son and I arranged to meet the next day at a Starbucks at 5:30pm, I told him the intersection and waited. He did not come. I called from friends' phones several times to try to arrange a new time. Over the next several days, I left several messages, mostly kind but increasingly pleading. I left two numbers, neither of which he called. I finally got a hold of him again and he said he would bring it to me the next morning, and that he would call and let me know when and where to meet him. He did not call. I called and left several messages, none of which he responded to. Eventually I got a hold of him again, today, and we again arranged to meet at the Starbucks one hour from when I talked to him. I told him he could drop off the phone there if he was late. He did not come. I waited two hours, until the Starbucks closed.

I feel ridiculous because when I came home today there was a gas bill from the evil corporate "People's" Gas, indicating that I personally owe ~$75 and I have just over $75 in the bank and will not be paid for another week from Friday.

I feel ridiculous because I recently had a tuition refund check of $500 and all of it disappeared into loans on my debit card that I owed the bank for food and money spent over Christmas break and other expenditures for the first two weeks back at school, and into money I owed U. ($180) for the gas bill I was barely here to benefit from, groceries, and a heating device I have to use because our incredibly expensive heat barely works. This is a joke that the gas company is playing on us.

I feel ridiculous because I can't ask my parents for any more money because they sent me $300 and they will send me a monthly rent check and I am 21 and I should be able to manage money and pay for everything myself but instead I am still remarkably dependent despite the fact that I work the maximum number of hours a week possible as an undergrad (and am only making $150 a week).

I feel ridiculous because my parents are not rich and they are still sending me rent checks and helping me pay for things despite the fact that I am 21 and despite the fact that I still don't know what I want to do and am drowning in the options and refuse to shut any doors.

I feel ridiculous because after a week and a half I still have not been sent a project for my internship and my supervisor has not replied to my email.

I feel ridiculous because the teacher I need to talk to for my feature has not replied to the email I sent several days ago asking for a day to meet, even though I sent an email last week too--to which he responded. And because this is a time-sensitive issue, so I may not be able to talk to him and my feature will consequently be worse.

I feel ridiculous because I can't call any of these people because my phone is being withheld by someone who arranges to meet me repeatedly and then doesn't.

This is why I feel ridiculous, and this is why I came home today and cried.

(Bonus: I feel ridiculous because of anything to do with dating. That is all.)