So, I was thinking that things are basically The Suck lately.
Here are various reasons I've felt down this week:
1) The other day, I gave a man some money. I then walked to the bus stop, and watched as he walked directly to the liquor store.
2) Wednesday I did the following things: Went to a Starbucks cafe in a Barnes & Noble, got a stupid tomato-and-onion pizza-looking thing which was unnecessarily placed in a big plastic container, didn't even eat it all, got Grandma's cookies, looked at the ingredients in Grandma's Cookies, realized Grandma's cookies have "caramel color" in them, wtf?, accidentally littered as I was pulling my ID out and running for the bus. So many things depressed me in those twenty minutes.
3) I realized Tuesday that my Hindi skit is next Thursday, not the week after.
4) It's still fucking winter.
5) I now have no friends that are not in a relationship. This is not really an exaggeration.
6) I want to commune with nature, but the only nature here is snow. And it's dirty snow.
Here are the results for this year so far:
My academic life: +10
My personal life: -20
I would like some kind of personal demand on my attention. I feel like Janis Ian penning the lyrics to "At Seventeen".. pretty soon I'll be getting cats, lots and lots of cats, cats everywhere, I'll be naming them all, after the horoscopes and the world's longest rivers and tallest mountains, after Broadway characters.
I sure as hell hope I get out of the country this year, and soon.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I wanna be like you-ou-ou!
When I was little, I never saw The Jungle Book. I don't know why. I lived for Disney.
Anyway, I'm having a Jungle Book renaissance. I want to watch it. I want to read it. I realize I'm a little all-India-all-the-time lately, but I have a lot to learn and it's hard to immerse in Ye Olde Amrika. I want to go to the bazaars and drink chai and see the elephants! I want to hear Hindi enough that I can speak it with something of a natural flow. So, here in Amrika, I'm turning to The Jungle Book.
Here's something cute:
English: bear; Hindi: bhaalu (भालू)
English: panther/leopard; Hindi: bagheera (बघीरा)
English: elephant; Hindi: haathi (हाथी)
You get the idea. I'm not certain about the spellings... but now you know your Hindi jungle animals (add bandar [pronon. "bundahr"] for "monkey" and you're set)!
Yes; I go to great lengths to convince myself I'm studying while not studying.
And tonight is better than last night. I'm drinking tea and finished with today's essay/Hindi quiz/Bio midterm trio. The constant barrage of essays and midterms I've been encountering lately have left me feeling a bit withered; last night I was basically prepared to shoot myself in the face. But still, with everything I have to do over the next 4 weeks, I'm most uncomfortable about the prospect of doing a skit in Hindi in front of my class. I have 3 other partners, so isn't as if I'm alone; still, the idea of memorizing and then delivering 3 minutes worth of lines in a foreign language while also attempting to act makes me want to crawl inside a shell.
Shiver.
Course registration started today and the classes I'm looking at for next quarter are a little on the awesome side--I'll update on those when they're set, though.
I have more besides work on my brain, but I haven't got the organizational skills nor guilt-free time to make it materialize in wordform. So you get to learn Hindi.
मैं जैसे आप होना चाहती हूँ ।
Anyway, I'm having a Jungle Book renaissance. I want to watch it. I want to read it. I realize I'm a little all-India-all-the-time lately, but I have a lot to learn and it's hard to immerse in Ye Olde Amrika. I want to go to the bazaars and drink chai and see the elephants! I want to hear Hindi enough that I can speak it with something of a natural flow. So, here in Amrika, I'm turning to The Jungle Book.
Here's something cute:
English: bear; Hindi: bhaalu (भालू)
English: panther/leopard; Hindi: bagheera (बघीरा)
English: elephant; Hindi: haathi (हाथी)
You get the idea. I'm not certain about the spellings... but now you know your Hindi jungle animals (add bandar [pronon. "bundahr"] for "monkey" and you're set)!
Yes; I go to great lengths to convince myself I'm studying while not studying.
And tonight is better than last night. I'm drinking tea and finished with today's essay/Hindi quiz/Bio midterm trio. The constant barrage of essays and midterms I've been encountering lately have left me feeling a bit withered; last night I was basically prepared to shoot myself in the face. But still, with everything I have to do over the next 4 weeks, I'm most uncomfortable about the prospect of doing a skit in Hindi in front of my class. I have 3 other partners, so isn't as if I'm alone; still, the idea of memorizing and then delivering 3 minutes worth of lines in a foreign language while also attempting to act makes me want to crawl inside a shell.
Shiver.
Course registration started today and the classes I'm looking at for next quarter are a little on the awesome side--I'll update on those when they're set, though.
I have more besides work on my brain, but I haven't got the organizational skills nor guilt-free time to make it materialize in wordform. So you get to learn Hindi.
मैं जैसे आप होना चाहती हूँ ।
Sunday, February 17, 2008
अरे, हिन्दी!
जी हा, मै हिन्दी मे लिख रही है। लेकिन आप लोग समझ नही हैं।
तो अच्छा। मुझे हिन्दी पढ़ना चाहिये।
नया शब्द:
तो अच्छा। मुझे हिन्दी पढ़ना चाहिये।
नया शब्द:
- पड़ना - to "must"
- लड़ना - to fight
- ख़त्म करना - to finish
- लेख - article (M)
- छुट्टी - vacation (F)
- सच - true
- भाषण - lecture (M)
- हड़ताल - strike (F)
- हंगामा - uproar; chaos (M)
- गड़बड़ - disorder (F)
- तमाशा - show/entertainment (M)
- तैयार - ready
- बाल - hair (M)
- बीमारी - illness (F)
- परीक्षा - examination (F)
7th hufta
Things I'd Rather Be Doing Than Studying:
Three-day weekend; was marvelous. I feel recharged. It doesn't sound like it maybe, but I'm just experiencing the opposite of ennui since the beginning of this year. I'm in love with learning. Studying is still learning, kind of. Just a more slow, dependent form.
On Saturday, T. and I went to Devon (for the first time since the night with my magical Indian guy with the baggy.) We ate terrible sweets again (I finally tried barafi and rasgulla, neither of which I would recommend getting excited about.) We ate at the same place: masala dosa, mutter paneer, naan, sweet lime sodas. I've gotten so good at eating Indian food I barely notice the hot factor anymore. Oh, how I've evolved.
Then we went to the Kitaab Ghar, where I joyously purchased four Hindi books directed at, I imagine, toddlers. One is called "Bhudiya ki roti" (The Old Woman's Bread), one's about a mouse, one is called "Dadi ki Sari" (Grandma's Sari) and then there's a book of stories and exercises. I probably won't have time to integrate new words into my vocabulary until the summer, but I'm having beautiful visions of summering in Boulder and lying in the sun with a Hindi-English dictionary, reading my children's books.
I believe there's a function on here that allows for writing in Devenagari, which is a lot nicer than the transliteration--transliterated Hindi takes longer to translate in my head than the original text.
I will delve into that, now.
- Finishing the last 53 pages of Rabbit, Run.
- Watching a documentary.
Three-day weekend; was marvelous. I feel recharged. It doesn't sound like it maybe, but I'm just experiencing the opposite of ennui since the beginning of this year. I'm in love with learning. Studying is still learning, kind of. Just a more slow, dependent form.
On Saturday, T. and I went to Devon (for the first time since the night with my magical Indian guy with the baggy.) We ate terrible sweets again (I finally tried barafi and rasgulla, neither of which I would recommend getting excited about.) We ate at the same place: masala dosa, mutter paneer, naan, sweet lime sodas. I've gotten so good at eating Indian food I barely notice the hot factor anymore. Oh, how I've evolved.
Then we went to the Kitaab Ghar, where I joyously purchased four Hindi books directed at, I imagine, toddlers. One is called "Bhudiya ki roti" (The Old Woman's Bread), one's about a mouse, one is called "Dadi ki Sari" (Grandma's Sari) and then there's a book of stories and exercises. I probably won't have time to integrate new words into my vocabulary until the summer, but I'm having beautiful visions of summering in Boulder and lying in the sun with a Hindi-English dictionary, reading my children's books.
I believe there's a function on here that allows for writing in Devenagari, which is a lot nicer than the transliteration--transliterated Hindi takes longer to translate in my head than the original text.
I will delve into that, now.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Mmmn.
I am swimming in a sea of couples. They're everywhere. I feel like 80% of the people I know are couples. Normally that's all well and good, they're seemingly in hiding, until February 14 when suddenly they're out en masse, crowding out restaurants and all other public places, accidentally shoving their roses in my face, awkwardly and uncasually dipping their bread in olive oil and holding hands and just generally making themselves noticed.
I do not like a holiday that makes singles feel unspecial and couples feel tense and obligated.
Does the Y-chromosome still exist? I'm not sure; I don't think I associate with any anymore. And I would feel a lot better if I could just flirt.
I do not like a holiday that makes singles feel unspecial and couples feel tense and obligated.
Does the Y-chromosome still exist? I'm not sure; I don't think I associate with any anymore. And I would feel a lot better if I could just flirt.
...and, as usual, the most fervently celebratory, holiday-acknowledging individual in our apartment building is the Argentinian lady on the first floor who solely speaks Spanish.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Ooh, class of.. that one time.
I'm having the sort of week you have after a really exhausting week. Which is to say, I'm being lazier than I should be.
Recent addictions: anything chocolate in sight, Google news, Barack Obama speeches.
Tonight I fell into a myspace hole. I started looking at friends of people's friends, and found a zillion people I went to high school with. Some of them have had babies. Lots of them have gone Greek. By all appearances, not a lot of them have changed much.
It's kind of funny. About half of the people closest to me I met in the past year; most of the rest are my family. Looking at the websites people have, and the statements they make about themselves, doesn't make me feel closer to them; it makes me feel even more distanced. At least before, when I've looked back without knowing, I could pretend to have gained some kind of solidarity with my class. I'm sure we're not all as wildly antithetical as I imagine.
Well, OK. I'm not sure. But it's not as if I want to go back and try to make relationships exist where they don't. I've grown accepting of the fact that while my best friends here look back on high school nostalgically, this is the first place I'm going to feel that way about.
It's just interesting that people can be so radically different. All because of what they're taught, what they read, what they get exposed to. Durkheim and Marx and DeBeauvoir should be required reading for every living, breathing, literate soul. If you don't understand the words, buy a dictionary. I did. The anthropologists and the linguists and the zealots and the historians and the environmentalists and those of the counterculture and the scientists and the poets--if you don't drink it in, open yourself up and give them a chance, how do you have any idea what you really believe? That's how things become bigger than your life. That's how you transcend your problems.
But I guess I'm not one to preach. I had an epiphany about a month ago and since then have felt like I exist in a different way. But I'm still shirking my homework to read the news every 10 minutes, and read fiction I shouldn't have time for, and "Stumble" the internet for gorgeous photographs and lots of random crap, and eat too much chocolate when other people are happy with just enough rice, and etc.
Wait, where am I going with this? I don't know.
But I should finish this chapter on AIDS, anyway.
Recent addictions: anything chocolate in sight, Google news, Barack Obama speeches.
Tonight I fell into a myspace hole. I started looking at friends of people's friends, and found a zillion people I went to high school with. Some of them have had babies. Lots of them have gone Greek. By all appearances, not a lot of them have changed much.
It's kind of funny. About half of the people closest to me I met in the past year; most of the rest are my family. Looking at the websites people have, and the statements they make about themselves, doesn't make me feel closer to them; it makes me feel even more distanced. At least before, when I've looked back without knowing, I could pretend to have gained some kind of solidarity with my class. I'm sure we're not all as wildly antithetical as I imagine.
Well, OK. I'm not sure. But it's not as if I want to go back and try to make relationships exist where they don't. I've grown accepting of the fact that while my best friends here look back on high school nostalgically, this is the first place I'm going to feel that way about.
It's just interesting that people can be so radically different. All because of what they're taught, what they read, what they get exposed to. Durkheim and Marx and DeBeauvoir should be required reading for every living, breathing, literate soul. If you don't understand the words, buy a dictionary. I did. The anthropologists and the linguists and the zealots and the historians and the environmentalists and those of the counterculture and the scientists and the poets--if you don't drink it in, open yourself up and give them a chance, how do you have any idea what you really believe? That's how things become bigger than your life. That's how you transcend your problems.
But I guess I'm not one to preach. I had an epiphany about a month ago and since then have felt like I exist in a different way. But I'm still shirking my homework to read the news every 10 minutes, and read fiction I shouldn't have time for, and "Stumble" the internet for gorgeous photographs and lots of random crap, and eat too much chocolate when other people are happy with just enough rice, and etc.
Wait, where am I going with this? I don't know.
But I should finish this chapter on AIDS, anyway.
Monday, February 11, 2008
superdelegates
I'm not sure how I feel about them, but they make me skeptical that I live in a democracy.
Of a little over 4,000 people choosing the Democratic party's nominee, almost 800 of them get to choose the candidate they personally favor based solely on the fact that they were a party leader in some form? That's about 1/4 choosing based on their own feelings.
Bush got to appoint the leaders of the EPA, and that didn't turn out well.
I read a quote about democracy recently that struck me as so true...
It might have been this one:
"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear."
Really, how much does anyone know about what goes on in Congress? Only what the media chooses to cover, and the media is a restricted outlet with, chiefly, the same opinions and cautions (with the exception of the totally-obnoxious, manipulative, far-right asshats FOX News, and the obviously leftist [oh, but I love them!] NPR).
Doesn't it seem strange that in this situation, we're choosing "dictators" to choose our "dictators"? I mean, that's just lazy. And we're talking about the party's nominee for president here. I think it should be an unfiltered popular vote.
Don't get me wrong--I support democracy. I just think I support a more direct democracy than the one we've got.
I guess it comes back to the average citizen being too "stupid".
And when you think about the number of news hours Britney Spears takes up vs. everything-else-in-the-world.... well.
...anybody else made uncomfortable by the idea of superdelegates? Or want to explain the logic behind them?
Of a little over 4,000 people choosing the Democratic party's nominee, almost 800 of them get to choose the candidate they personally favor based solely on the fact that they were a party leader in some form? That's about 1/4 choosing based on their own feelings.
Bush got to appoint the leaders of the EPA, and that didn't turn out well.
I read a quote about democracy recently that struck me as so true...
It might have been this one:
"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear."
Really, how much does anyone know about what goes on in Congress? Only what the media chooses to cover, and the media is a restricted outlet with, chiefly, the same opinions and cautions (with the exception of the totally-obnoxious, manipulative, far-right asshats FOX News, and the obviously leftist [oh, but I love them!] NPR).
Doesn't it seem strange that in this situation, we're choosing "dictators" to choose our "dictators"? I mean, that's just lazy. And we're talking about the party's nominee for president here. I think it should be an unfiltered popular vote.
Don't get me wrong--I support democracy. I just think I support a more direct democracy than the one we've got.
I guess it comes back to the average citizen being too "stupid".
And when you think about the number of news hours Britney Spears takes up vs. everything-else-in-the-world.... well.
...anybody else made uncomfortable by the idea of superdelegates? Or want to explain the logic behind them?
Saturday, February 09, 2008
mountain climbing
Last night I dreamt about Mt. Everest.
I was in Pakistan--because apparently my dream self believes Mt. Everest is in Pakistan--and I was with my family and a couple friends. It was beautiful, and there were sunny fields with wildflowers (my dream-self reinvents geography completely, apparently). I think we rode horses toward the foothills.
The next thing I knew we were on one of the mountains. The incline was so sharp--almost vertically sharp--that it felt entirely perilous. There was some building, a tall building, like an inn, and I was nearly falling out of it. It was almost as if the world was turning backward and I was going to drop off of it.
We were so high, so inconceivably high. We were also right beside the actual Mt. Everest, and it was so overwhelmingly large that my peripheral vision couldn't fit the whole image. Looking at Mt. Everest from my mountain was the most vivid part of the dream--I wish I knew how to describe it. I couldn't keep balanced, I was going to plummet thousands of feet down, and seeing this even larger obstacle was both awe-inspiring and terrifying.
I had another dream like this last summer. In that dream, gravity disappeared and everyone began to float away from the Earth. I can't describe it to be felt in reality, but there's a very gripping terror you feel when even science can't be counted on.
Anyway. We had a dinner party tonight. We made quinoa, tomatoes/onions/wonderfulspices, potatoes, and asparagus. There were nine of us, and wine was had.
I'm so incredibly grateful that this week is over. Two papers, a bio assignment, a nerve-wracking interview and a Hindi exam all done. I did terribly on the Hindi exam, but my interview went really well (one of the interviewees was even a Michigander, and we were chummy about MI rivers and kayaking), with me flaunting my water resource knowledge (THANK YOU,
Water by de Villiers & Prof. Hevia & Contemporary Global Issues.) I even got a "Good Job" at the end.
So maybe, maybe, maybe... I will spend next year in Jaipur. Maybe.
Man, but still. That Mt. Everest dream.
I was in Pakistan--because apparently my dream self believes Mt. Everest is in Pakistan--and I was with my family and a couple friends. It was beautiful, and there were sunny fields with wildflowers (my dream-self reinvents geography completely, apparently). I think we rode horses toward the foothills.
The next thing I knew we were on one of the mountains. The incline was so sharp--almost vertically sharp--that it felt entirely perilous. There was some building, a tall building, like an inn, and I was nearly falling out of it. It was almost as if the world was turning backward and I was going to drop off of it.
We were so high, so inconceivably high. We were also right beside the actual Mt. Everest, and it was so overwhelmingly large that my peripheral vision couldn't fit the whole image. Looking at Mt. Everest from my mountain was the most vivid part of the dream--I wish I knew how to describe it. I couldn't keep balanced, I was going to plummet thousands of feet down, and seeing this even larger obstacle was both awe-inspiring and terrifying.
I had another dream like this last summer. In that dream, gravity disappeared and everyone began to float away from the Earth. I can't describe it to be felt in reality, but there's a very gripping terror you feel when even science can't be counted on.
Anyway. We had a dinner party tonight. We made quinoa, tomatoes/onions/wonderfulspices, potatoes, and asparagus. There were nine of us, and wine was had.
I'm so incredibly grateful that this week is over. Two papers, a bio assignment, a nerve-wracking interview and a Hindi exam all done. I did terribly on the Hindi exam, but my interview went really well (one of the interviewees was even a Michigander, and we were chummy about MI rivers and kayaking), with me flaunting my water resource knowledge (THANK YOU,
Water by de Villiers & Prof. Hevia & Contemporary Global Issues.) I even got a "Good Job" at the end.
So maybe, maybe, maybe... I will spend next year in Jaipur. Maybe.
Man, but still. That Mt. Everest dream.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Stuff I've Learned Recently
(1) The Buddha was not a strict vegetarian. Srsly.
(2) In Genesis, God instituted a raw vegan diet. God only declared meat to be eaten in conjunction with Noah's coming ashore and his ((bristle)) assurance never to flood the world again. Sort of a random time, but hey!
(3) I feel truly awful consuming any dairy but organic dairy. And even that I'm not so sure about. I've been thinking about food a lot lately.
(4) California is a terrible place for all of its glutinous water usage.
(5) Samosas are my new comfort food.
(2) In Genesis, God instituted a raw vegan diet. God only declared meat to be eaten in conjunction with Noah's coming ashore and his ((bristle)) assurance never to flood the world again. Sort of a random time, but hey!
(3) I feel truly awful consuming any dairy but organic dairy. And even that I'm not so sure about. I've been thinking about food a lot lately.
(4) California is a terrible place for all of its glutinous water usage.
(5) Samosas are my new comfort food.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Why My Life Owns Yours
They say the Sagettarius is the luckiest of all signs...
"Dear class,
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am presently stranded in North Carolina and am not sure if I will be able to get a flight back into Chicago today.
Therefore, I think that the best thing to do is a) extend your paper deadline to Thursday and b) ask you to check your email before coming to class tomorrow.
I will know later this afternoon if I can get out today or first thing in the morning. If I cannot get out tonight I will send a second message canceling tomorrow's class.
Best wishes,
Prof. Hevia"
"Dear class,
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am presently stranded in North Carolina and am not sure if I will be able to get a flight back into Chicago today.
Therefore, I think that the best thing to do is a) extend your paper deadline to Thursday and b) ask you to check your email before coming to class tomorrow.
I will know later this afternoon if I can get out today or first thing in the morning. If I cannot get out tonight I will send a second message canceling tomorrow's class.
Best wishes,
Prof. Hevia"
here comes black bear now!
A good song is "Black Bear" by Black Bear.
Also, if I were to fall in love with someone I didn't know--if I didn't think it was a silly idea--I would most definitely be in love with Beirut's Zach Condon. That voice! That striped sweater! That inebriated cover of Grizzly Bear's "Knife"! That level of accomplishment at the youthful age of 22!
Mostly, though... that voice.
Sigh. Anyway.
I had what would be deemed by most people an entirely lame weekend, but I think it was nice. Friday night we had some friends over and just sat around with a little Blue Moon, which was perfectly acceptable. Saturday, A., U. and I went to Wicker Park and studied in a cafe that crafted gorgeous cakes and played oldies in the background. I worked my way through lots of chai tea and Hindi vocabulary. Basically all day, until nighttime, when we ate at the Cheesecake Factory in the John Hancock.
On the way back, we talked about religion a bit. I've been fascinated lately by the origins of religion. Particularly the exact moment when the first hunter-gatherer conceived of the notion of there being something bigger. The exact moment when it wasn't enough to just survive. It's an intriguing idea, is it not? What exact thing generated that concept?
...when I got back I just ended up continuing to work. Midnight on a Saturday and it was me, a cup of tea, and work. It felt okay.
I woke up this morning, sort of randomly grabbed Rabbit, Run from my bedside table and got deeper into it. I want nothing more to just keep reading, but I can't, not now. I guess that gives me something to look forward to for the end of the week. If a million obligations don't crop up before then.
I studied all day, wrote my Hindi composition, read from my IS books to try to narrow down what I'm writing my essay about (water shortage in the Nile/desalination, it looks like).
I like synthesizing. I like knowing things. I'm just a little sleepy.
Also, if I were to fall in love with someone I didn't know--if I didn't think it was a silly idea--I would most definitely be in love with Beirut's Zach Condon. That voice! That striped sweater! That inebriated cover of Grizzly Bear's "Knife"! That level of accomplishment at the youthful age of 22!
Mostly, though... that voice.
Sigh. Anyway.
I had what would be deemed by most people an entirely lame weekend, but I think it was nice. Friday night we had some friends over and just sat around with a little Blue Moon, which was perfectly acceptable. Saturday, A., U. and I went to Wicker Park and studied in a cafe that crafted gorgeous cakes and played oldies in the background. I worked my way through lots of chai tea and Hindi vocabulary. Basically all day, until nighttime, when we ate at the Cheesecake Factory in the John Hancock.
On the way back, we talked about religion a bit. I've been fascinated lately by the origins of religion. Particularly the exact moment when the first hunter-gatherer conceived of the notion of there being something bigger. The exact moment when it wasn't enough to just survive. It's an intriguing idea, is it not? What exact thing generated that concept?
...when I got back I just ended up continuing to work. Midnight on a Saturday and it was me, a cup of tea, and work. It felt okay.
I woke up this morning, sort of randomly grabbed Rabbit, Run from my bedside table and got deeper into it. I want nothing more to just keep reading, but I can't, not now. I guess that gives me something to look forward to for the end of the week. If a million obligations don't crop up before then.
I studied all day, wrote my Hindi composition, read from my IS books to try to narrow down what I'm writing my essay about (water shortage in the Nile/desalination, it looks like).
I like synthesizing. I like knowing things. I'm just a little sleepy.
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