I don't know if this is a uniquely American thing, or if it applies to other Western/developed/white peopled nations, but... we are a weird breed, socially speaking.
As y'all (side note: how did this Southernism work its way into my mind-vocabulary?) know, I work at the library, both monetarily speaking and homeworkily speaking. Because the entirety of my university is composed of poor, drained souls, and because the Reg is at the center of campus, I see plenty of people there, intermittently reading and walking in some direction and weeping into their coffee. This school is relatively small (5,000 undergrads) and there are many ways to meet people. In a class. At a party. Maybe you lived in the same house first year. Maybe you have a mutual friend. Whatever; the point is, as a college student, you have a lot of acquaintances.
Now here's where it gets weird. When and why does it suddenly become not only acceptable but the norm to stop acknowledging someone you've met? Are our memories so short? Because maybe I'm special and in possession of magical powers, but unless I was really drunk, I remember you. And you and you and you. I remember all of you. I remember specific things you said and did. I might remember your major and a broad outline of your likes and dislikes. I remember that time we went to dinner with the same group of people.
(This is going to be one of those times in which I say, "When I was in India...")--I really don't think this would have happened in India. Maybe it's because I had the perspective of a foreigner, and therefore I was distinct, but I think that there, if you meet someone once, you make sure to acknowledge each other from then on. If you meet someone once, the next time you see them, they're your friend, and not your acquaintance.
Maybe it's because I was gone for six months. But recently, I'm passing by lots of people without so much as a smile or a nod. I don't expect long embraces and hour-long catch-ups, but even the postman deserves a nod. It's as if people fade back into the faceless masses if you haven't spoken to them in a year. Logically, it seems like there's a social pecking order involved with this--like some people consider themselves important enough to forget a certain level of acquantanceship. But in terms of who acknowledges and who doesn't, there isn't really a detectable coolness factor.
The people toward whom I am warmest are usually those that have no discernable reason to be exceptionally kind or inclusive, but decide to be anyway--rejecting the establishment of their own personal significance.
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3 comments:
I hear you loud and clear on this, Claire.
I should preface my comments by saying that in the grand scheme of things I'm really not a very social person at all. Most of the time I'd prefer to be alone than with a large group of people. And, when I do socialize, I prefer more intimate gatherings, perhaps with only one other person. but this certainly doesn't make me antisocial at all. I'm not one to ignore people I know when I pass them on the street or in the workplace, but I do notice when the same treatment it extended to me. I, too, have noticed the dynamic you describe.
I actually just posted something about this today on one of my blogs. Not about live communication, but about the Internet. Facebook, specifically, and the way in which "friending" has begun to replace actual acknowledgment that you know someone.
One of your blogs! and here I thought you only had one. Now I have more ways to procrastinate..
Have you ever read that David Sedaris story? "One of my houses.."
Hahah, that's funny you and I both wrote about this around the same time.
These situations make me feel so weird, though. Even though I remember people well, I never know if I should assume they remember ME too. Then I find it so awkward when you always see the same person and you both used to acknowledge each other and make small talk, but now after seeing each other so much you don't even give a nod or smile or greeting. It just... gets to a point where you're tired of saying hi (or you assume they've forgotten you by now (??), or vice versa). Interpersonal relationships are weird.
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