bathtub uncertainty.

I love Chicago. I love baths. I love reading. I love reading in my bathtub in Chicago.

Now that we're up to date.

I am reading "The Namesake"--which is decently good but not lifechanging--and something I (also) love happened: the character's life intersected with mine. I just got to the part where Gogol (or Nikhil) Ganguli is taking a train home for Thanksgiving break, his sophomore year. He feels the same way about home that I do, is at a comparable university a comparable distance from home, and, well, the author is making him easy to relate to.

Which led to my epiphany. It has nothing to do with any of the crap I just mentioned. Rather, it came to me as I read about him veering from others' expectations and becoming enthralled with architecture, studying it feverishly, even outside of class work. Why? Because he loves it.

I thought of what I loved, what I found most inspiring this quarter. It wasn't in a class for either of my registered majors. It was in, of all places, biology, when my professor talked at length about human evolution. I love learning about human evolution--all the different hominids, where they lived, what they did, the slow progress into modern humans. It fascinates me.

Then I had this thought: I should major in anthropology.

It was jarring, in the way most "I should make this big change" ideas tend to be. But at the same time, it sounded remarkably freeing.

The truth is, lately I've felt boxed-in and depressed in thinking about the future. Before, it would always suffice to imagine myself reading and researching and writing--that was vague and lovely enough. But I'm a second-year college student now. I'm supposed to be more specific than that. International Studies I'm OK with, although the intro class is less than inspiring (who can blame it, though, 120+ people large and power-point-based?)

With Environmental Studies, I feel like I signed on with some kind of Save-the-World syndrome. It's definitely my biggest issue, but.. it doesn't fascinate me. As selfish as I feel saying that, wouldn't you be most productive in the field that drives you? The environment needs creative engineers, lawyers, and activists. And my vote.

I miss the humanities.

All this synthesis and all I end up with is: I'm happiest just sitting here writing. If you know someone that'll pay me to do that, lemme know.