moment of reflection.

I am feeling empty. I am empty of:

1) creativity
2) sense of self
3) concentration
4) plans
5) companionship

My grades have been on a slight decline. I am now capable of a B-, even when I try. This is not happening to anyone else.

My heart feels less protected, more vulnerable. The achievements, joys, and progress of others register as both threatening and painful. It reinforces my own inability to find the right niche. I seem to be experiencing my dip even as everyone else is somehow finding their place. I am running out of time to be doubtful of myself. I am running out of time to be disconnected in this bourgeois way. Even my inspiration seems erratic and unhelpful. Something needs to shake back into place soon.

Quiet now, at home, novels in a box in my car, but even they don't point in a direction.