just me and the bump.

I keep having pregnancy dreams. The number has probably exceeded five in two weeks. If you ask me, that's pretty excessive.

Usually I'm pregnant in the dreams, though one time it was my sister and another time my mother (with twins!). The premise goes like this: I am pregnant. There is no precursory sex; I'm (or they're) always already pregnant. In every case, the baby is a girl and this is already intuitively known. (In the twin case, there was a boy and a girl.) I always experience the anxiety of knowing I can't raise a child in college, and that my life and plans are suddenly irrevocably ruined.

Last night in my dream, I barely realized I was pregnant (very pregnant) before BAM, the baby was suddenly there. I realized, panicked, that I didn't have a name ready; I think I decided on Bridget, which is a name I used to like. The baby had big hazel eyes and I was very fond of her. Then suddenly I was in Mexico with some friends and the baby, and it was very exotic and there were lots of people. In the crowd I lost the baby, got very scared, and started looking everywhere for her.

I don't know why I have this apparent pregnancy fixation. I know some people who are expecting (someone any day now) and maybe it's working its way into my skull: the fact that my peers are now having babies.

Needless to say, I woke up early this morning extraordinarily relieved that I was, in fact, childless and my only worry was getting to Bio on time. I felt so.... independent.

God. Am I a woman now or something?