theories of love

It has been storming all night. I thought the power went out, but really T. turned out the lights and lit candles while I was on the deck. When I came in I got excited, felt happy. It's nice when the power goes out.. feeling submissive to the weather, instead of all-powerful and domineering.

We had dinner and talked about love. We understand each other about love. Really. I feel like there are few people I can say that about. Everyone's got some idea of it. There are some people who say they fall in love all the time. To them, I say: you're either wrong, or astoundingly, ridiculously, unbelievably lucky.

T. discussed with me a theory, and it went like this: let's say you're represented by a dot. Life is the movement of your dot from one side of the chart to the other. Every other person is also a dot, and everyone's moving together from one side to the other. The state of being in love occurs when you intersect another person. Your dot and their dot literally overlap. You are ready, in the state of being ready, for the exact same thing, that thing being the care you are about to give one another. And together you buzz along happily, until one dot crosses over the other. One person (let's say Dot #1) has moved in a direction, developed new and different needs. (It is conceivable, though rare, that the dots cross over at the same time.)

There are some corollaries to this theory. For example, being in love is a happy thing. It is burdened with occasional, but conquerable, problems. The real misery associated with heartbreak occurs after the separation of the dots. No longer are you in love.

Corollary #2: (HOWEVER:) If you have been in love, you still love the individual after the intersecting completes. Why? Because in-love love is unconditional love. You have been nakedly emotional, silkily comfortable, one open, experiencing unit. If you move in a direction, that still exists. It exists in time.

Really, I suppose it may be more of visualization than a theory. But I get it.

I have had experience as Dot #2. But not Dot #1. The two experiences, I believe, are very different. I have very little patience with people who claim to've been in love, but haven't felt ravaged by it. Who haven't felt deeply confused about their identity because of it. Who haven't felt stagnant & pointless & unsatisfying due to it.

But I don't know your side, Dot #1. How does it feel to eclipse a person, bask in the warmth and then desire to crawl away? I have thoughts that may not be congruent. I see Dot #1 as invigorated with a confidence to surpass people. I envision a pity that may or may not exist from Dot #1 directed at Dot #2. I understand intellectually Dot #1, but am powerless to navigate the tangles that are its feelings.

The upside to the dot theory is that you are by no means limited to one intersection. It is well known, though, that the odds of two dots intersecting are rare. Let's say we're tiny little dots, molecule-sized almost, and it's a big grid. Also, it's possible for two dots to re-intersect, but don't bet on it.

Science has said that the state of being 'in love' typically lasts for three years. You can't be all seritonin-overdosed forever, I guess. Me, though, I think I might be able to last longer. But I'm hypothesizing.

I feel good, though. I am a dot, free-floating. I have so much potential for an overlap. Like a tennis ball on the edge of a hill, or something.

And in the meantime there's hot tea. Snowstorms. Kittens. Towels hot out of the dryer. You know the drill.