I finished reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy today, and found it profoundly moving. It's extraordinarily stark, but I've been in a sort of post apocalyptic mood lately, so it matched my outlook well.
I also thought of a scenario in my philosophy class (when we talking about something completely different, but still):
You have been given a chance to glimpse the meaning of the universe. Is there a God, or any other kind of discernible intelligent structure behind the world? Where does it end, or what is the meaning of its not ending? Is there any answer to the question Why? All of these will be answered. However, because the human brain is too puny and incapable of existing with this knowledge, you will die of shock almost immediately after accessing the information. Assuming you believe that death is final and you cease to exist in any fashion upon your decease, would you still want to know? Or would you prefer to live out your life ignorant of this knowledge? Is the moment of knowing worth it?
I feel like big questions.
I also wish I weren't feeling so lonely. I think maybe my evolutionary impulse as an affectionate and social animal is stifled.
(...At some point I began to find it reassuring to blame all of my impulses on evolution and biology. It feels much less mental that way. Lonely? It's because your prerogative is to go reproduce and populate the world.)
And on that note, doesn't it seem sort of bothersome that our biological imperatives are to a) reproduce and b) survive? It's like self-consciousness is this big red herring thrown into the mix to make everything a lot more interesting for the figure writing the story. What could be a better plot twist than making the creatures meant to reproduce and survive aware of the futility of reproduction and survival?
I think there's a bigger logic outside of our logic.
And I think self-consciousness will lead to the eventual demise of things and it will be IRONIC.
And I think I will probably never fall in love again.
And I think I won't be satisfied with any job I ever have.
Is it possible to feel like this and not be depressed? Because that's the case. I guess I'm just probing darkness.
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Well, my answer to that question: I'd totally choose to live out my life and not know. Because knowing is like... saying that the aim of life is over, because what are you living for, if not to find some purpose in all of this? That's our aim, and if you get all this knowledge in one second, then you might as well die, because there's no point in living anymore once you realize all of this. But you know. It's... I'd rather spend my life and try to gain that knowledge. And then die, whether I have it or not. It's more fun that way. =)
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