chaiyya chaiyya.

I haven't said much of anything pertaining to my life for a while, so here's a brief update: I went to Colorado. I decided (tentatively?) on a major (excuse me, concentration). I came back from Colorado. I cut my hair. I got a job. I'm staying in Chicago over the summer. I started writing for the newspaper, sort of. I thought I would read more--I read less. I need to apply for financial aid. I got an apartment. And I'm going to dinner in Greektown tonight.

Really, I guess that's kind of a lot.

Since I came to college, I realize I look back on high school differently from almost everybody else. With most people, it's with a placid nostalgia. The things that invoke my placid nostalgia usually involve other cities, other states (even other countries)... that dumpy town in central Michigan that one hot summer, when we camped on a lake and found an amazing rope swing on a bank. I was maybe 14. I thought the college guy one site over was cute. Or trying on those brown corduroy pants in Amsterdam, the night it was raining like crazy and we bought a new, colorful umbrella. I was 12.

Point is, my small hometown itself, the feeling it most strongly brings to mind is... stale. To me, it feels stale, dead, and stagnant. I felt it when I was living there, but now even more. I love Chicago... there's an appreciation for solitude you can find in the city. You can go to a movie alone, or eat dinner alone. People usually don't feel the need to ask questions, and you can do what you want. You can come here and start again. You can be a vegetarian. You can wear what you want. You can talk, and there's always someone who knows what you're saying.

And now that I'm here, I think I may have found what I needed. Maybe this is what it took for me to be comfortable in my own skin--escape, college, and the city. UChicago itself is an important aspect, I think... there are times I'll be downtown and overhear a group of frat boys from another school, reminding me exactly why I came here, reassuring me when I come back to a school with a nerdy persuasion and the group of friends I have. Not video games and sci-fi, but tea snobbery and language love. I needed to find people like me to realize what I'm like.

...it'll take a long time for me to understand where I'm from, and even longer to appreciate it.